Pride can be a good thing or a bad thing. It’s good when humans show a reasonable self-confidence, based on achievement and effort. But it is bad when excessive pride leads a person to expect high levels of adulation for him/herself while ignoring the efforts and achievements of everybody else.
Similarly, humility can be healthy or not. It’s healthy to maintain an attitude that, “I could be wrong,” or “I might be able to learn something here.” But it is unhealthy for a person to be so excessively humble that s/he won’t even state a simple opinion or speak up to question error and evil.
How do we maintain an optimum balance for ourselves and others? Here are some things to consider:
Listen with positive expectations. Each person we meet, each meeting we attend probably contains at least one gem. If we don’t look for that gem, we may miss it entirely. My grandpa used to remind us that “even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” He did this to keep us from dismissing a message just because we did not admire the messenger.
Cut others the same slack you grant to yourself. Humans know their own motives and stresses and thus excuse themselves, yet they are often quick to judge others. If we yell at our children in the store, we know how much we have endured and justify our own anger, yet we look down at our noses at others who do the same. Consider the possibility that there may be reasons unknown to you for each thing you are tempted to dismiss or disdain.
Remember that behind-the-scenes efforts aren’t always visible. When you feel put upon because of all the work you do that others don’t recognize, remember that no one knows all you do, AND that you don’t know all the things others do either. And hard work may be occurring even when results are not very impressive.
Give specific commendations. Recognize and speak about even small contributions and achievements of students and co-workers. They may need encouragement or validation, especially if it is a day when their ability to commend themselves is low. Do the same for yourself. Keep track, not to keep score, but to celebrate your own real efforts.
Imagine that your knowledge might be incomplete. Listen to another and repeat what you think you heard before refuting or dismissing his/her views. There is almost always a grain of truth if we give ourselves time to absorb it. None of us knows everything.
Have a mantra. Tell yourself, repeatedly, a message you know you need to absorb. It might be, “I may not be perfect, but I am pretty darn good.” You know what you need to maintain a balanced, forgiving view that is neither excessively prideful nor excessively humble. So be kind enough to meet your own need.
